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Great Sotry Must Read!!! (Read 1713 times)
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Great Sotry Must Read!!!
Jan 6th, 2007, 12:11am
     If you’ve spent any time at all at the poker tables, you know the feeling of a bad beat.  Actually, bad beats you can deal with from time to time.  What about those times you flop the set, the straight, or even the nut flush, and the turn and river come so fast you can’t even see what the other chump has before your chips slide his way?
     How could it be?  3.6 seconds ago you were standing up, screaming, thinking of how you’re going to spend your new bankroll because you got some sucker, even two if you’re lucky, to go all in on a semi bluff.  Now you are on tilt harder than some Milf’s fake nipples.  You might as well use the money left at the table as toilet paper; it’s going to the exact same place.
     Beats like that just shouldn’t happen.  The odds are so stacked against them that it should maybe happen once, maybe twice a month, but we can all attest that it’s daily.  The most frustrating part is that all the work, all the good plays we’ve made throughout the day have been canceled out by a fish.
     Psychologically, these beats are more than draining.  If we are fortunate enough to have enough time to calculate the odds, see what Nemo the fish has, and cement our victory in our heads, I swear the effects are worse.  We see the turn, and it helps him, but he still needs another perfect card to come his way, so while our pulse quickens slightly, we are still going to double up here.  We stand up, hands on knees, screaming ‘NO TEN OF CLUBS, NO TEN OF CLUBS!!!’.
     River: ten of clubs.  You lose.  And, you lose so quietly.  There’s no ‘oos’ and ‘ahhhs’ from the non-existent crowd, but rather, the pot slides his way, and the next hand is dealt.  The world should stop, and beat the guy for being in a hand that he has just the same chance of scoring as my red-headed roommate with Jessica Simpson.  Now you have your $3.67 left to gain back everything that you lost.  Chances are it’s all in on the next hand.
     Maybe the biggest problem is that we never get such a win ourselves.  It’s always bad beat losses, and rarely, rarely ever a bad beat win.  We resort to convincing ourselves that either the cards are rigged solely to make me, and me only, lose everything, or even that we must be playing against robots.  They can’t be human, because no one, no one on Earth can be that dumb.
     Oh wait, I forgot about Paris Hilton.
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